


Losing it all

by Buriacampaign



Category: Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 08:19:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4297443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buriacampaign/pseuds/Buriacampaign
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the love of his life dies in battle, Dimitri has to learn to cope. But can he look past his grief to move on without her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Comrade, I thought you didn't lie

**Dimitri POV**  
Blood. There was so much blood. I pressed my hand against her abdomen and swallowed down the panic. "Don't worry,Roza. It'll be okay," I lied, furiously hoping she hadn't heard my voice crack with every word.  
Shaking her head, she spoke, her voice faint. "Comrade, I thought you didn't lie." My throat began to ache as I held back the tears. "I almost had him," she said through shallow breath.  
Glancing down at the strigoi a few feet from Rose, I thought back to the fight. She'd fought perfectly, exactly as I'd taught her. She'd anticipated his every move. What she hadn't anticipated is that he'd be carrying a knife. Strigoi never did. Immortality put a stopper on your fear, and bloodlust only added to the god-complex.  
Ripping my t-shirt off, I desperately pressed it against her side. Then, with shaky hands, I ripped my phone out and called for backup. "Бог черт возьми," I murmured hanging up. Too long.It would take them too long.  
"Dimka?"  
With all the gusto I could muster, I met her eyes. "They're coming." But she shook her head.  
"They won't make it. I won't make it." Her hand lightly cupped my cheek. "I love you. I need you to know that."  
Suddenly, the tears began to spill over. "I know, Roza. I love you too." Kissing her forehead, I felt her body shaking under me. I'd never felt so helpless, so useless.  
"No," she said, coughing up blood. "You don't…you don't know."  
I put my finger to her lips. "You can tell me later. Rose, don't…"  
"Dimitri, there won't be a later." Her voice was firm. "You have to listen." She struggled with the words, and the pain in my chest grew unbearable. "Are…are you listening?" I nodded. "You have to take care of Liss. Okay? And tell my parents that I love them."  
"I will, Rose. I will."  
"Comrade, don't cry. Look at me." I met her eyes. Despite her strong front, I could see the fear in her eyes and it killed me. "I love you. You have given me the best fourteen years anyone could ever ask for. The day we said 'I do' was the day I truly started living." Her eyes clenched shut and her shallow breathing sped up. Then just like that, it stopped.  
"Rose?" No answer. "Roza?" No answer. I buried my face in her hair and allowed myself to cry. Surely, the world couldn't keep turning. Surely, after losing such a bright soul, such a beautiful life, the world and all the horrible things in it would come to an end.  
Screaming, I grabbed my stake and threw it as far as I could. Useless. It was useless now without anyone to protect. And I cried. I cried until I knew the tears would come no more, but it didn't alleviate the pain. It didn't even begin the touch the pain. It was like drowning. The waves hit me again and again, but I just couldn't die.  
Faintly, I heard footsteps behind me. Good, I thought. Let them come. Let them kill me.  
"Guardian Belikov?" I didn't move. They were too late, and I hated them for it.  
"Leave me here," I said emotionlessly. I felt a hand touch my arm and a tore away from it. "I SAID LEAVE ME HERE." I felt a sharp prick, and all went dark.

I woke up and wiped the sleep from my eyes. A faint pain radiated in my chest from the horrible nightmare. "Rose, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had." That's when I noticed that I wasn't our room in the royal court. This room was too white, too clean. The hospital.  
Panic shook me. It wasn't real. It couldn't have been real. A dark figure emerged in the doorway. Christian. The snark I'd grown accustomed to was absent from his face, and his eyes were tinged with red.  
"Belikov, how are you feeling?"  
"She's gone," I said simply. Even as I said the words, I knew they must be wrong. Suddenly, I remembered my promise to Rose. "Lissa. Where is Lissa?"  
He rubbed his eyes and leaned against the door frame. "She's not well, Dimitri. They have her in her own room, and she's taking enough pills to kill a horse. Sonya is making her some silver charms." He reached out with a large silver ring. "She made you one too."  
Shaking my head, I tore my blankets off. "No. I have to have a clear mind, Christian. I have to take care of you and Lissa. I promis…"  
"Belikov, stop." He put a hand on my arm and guided me back into bed. "You need to rest."  
"NO. I have to tell Lissa what Rose…I have to…Rose," I lost my words in sobs. "She can't be gone."  
Christian slipped the ring into my hand and hugged me tight. "I know, man. I know."


	2. And the sky cried

The morning of the funeral the sky cried in protest. Black umbrellas dotted the area, hiding solemn faces that I avoided at all costs. The past two days had been full of sympathetic eyes and uncomfortable ceremonies. Despite fervent refusal, I'd been forced to attend the molnija ceremony that should've been Rose's. The sting of the small lightening mark on my neck didn't even begin to touch the pain in the rest of my body.  
I'd seen Lissa once. After being discharged, I visited her room and she'd lost her composure pretty quickly. The nurse had to sedate her to keep her from hurting herself or anyone else in the room. Clearly, Sonya's charms weren't doing any good. Though it was customary for the queen to speak at a royal guardian's funeral, I desperately hoped they would make an exception.  
Of course, I'd kept my promise to Rose and visited Abe and Janine. They were very welcoming and polite, but the faces they made when I told them her last words…I'm not sure if I did more good or harm. I tried to leave quickly, but Janine insisted on tea. So there the three of us sat, tears intermingling with the tea, silence wrapping around us.  
Upon entering the throne room, some faceless guardian led me to the front and directed me to my seat, but I pushed past him to face the casket. It was beautiful, almost worthy of the perfection inside. As per custom, it was closed, so I closed my eyes and conjured up the memory.  
The beautiful dark hair framed a face that often held the most adorable look of concentration. Her dark eyes challenged you to even begin to understand her, and lately, to her great disdain, were surrounded by the slightest crow's feet, a sign of the remarkable life she'd led.  
I placed my hand lightly on the top and whispered, "Я люблю тебя, любовь моя."  
"Guardian Belikov?" the guardian asked, his voice full of caution. Nodding, I followed him. "I'm very sorry, Sir."  
"Thank you," came my conditioned response. I'd heard these words so often over the past few days that I began to wonder if they even held meaning anymore. With a solemn nod, he was gone.  
Abe and Janine took their places next to me, hands interlaced.  
Panic washed over me as I saw Lissa enter and take her place at the podium, Christian stationed close behind her. Surely they wouldn't…  
"Welcome," she said evenly. But it wasn't Lissa, not the Lissa I'd come to know. This Lissa was too distant, medicated. "We're here to celebrate the life of Rosemarie Belikov and her service to the crown." What have they done to you?  
"Rose was my…" her voice faltered for a second. "Rose was the best guardian, the best friend I could've asked for." Just like that, her measured composure was gone. Noticing the change, Christian stepped forward and placed a hand on her arm. Nodding, Lissa stepped back and wiped the tears from her eyes.  
"Rose was more than a guardian to both Vasilissa and I. She was a best friend, a shoulder to cry on, and just a genuinely wonderful person. Those who knew her were lucky. Those who didn't missed out on a brilliant display of wonder and life. She will be truly missed." He bowed his head and said the traditional Romanian, "Fie ca ea odihnească în pace." May she rest in peace.  
My body shook as the sobs took over me. Janine reached over and took my hand in hers. I didn't dare a peek at her face. Instead, I took it and squeezed it encouragingly.  
The rest flew by in a blur of ceremony and custom. Before I knew it, I found myself in the graveyard. Rose was buried in a plot not too far from Mason. I knew it's what she would've wanted.  
After several more sorrys and horribly pathetic looks, Lissa, Christian and I were left alone at the gravesite. Lissa produced a bracelet from her pocket, her chotki. She placed it on the tombstone and looked up at me.  
"Thank you. Thank you for giving her the life she deserved," she said through tears. I scooped her up in my arms and hugged her tight. I couldn't think of the words to say, so I hoped the hug conveyed my thanks.  
After parting, Christian patted me on the shoulder and guided Lissa to their car. I stood there for what felt like hours before kissing the tombstone and walking away.  
I found myself at Mason's grave. Smiling bitterly, I leaned down and placed Rose's nazar necklace in the wet grass. "Welcome her and show her around, will you? Take care of her for me, Mason. Спасибо, друг."


End file.
